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Ancient Stoner Wisdom From E2

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  • Ancient Stoner Wisdom From E2

    We all know about Wikipedia. We also know that there's a smaller dedicated wiki for anything, such as those hosted by Fandom.com. But most of you might not know that there are similar attempts at a "people's encyclopedia" on the web which predate Wikipedia! Being the wily old codger that I am, I know many of these archives from my 20 years tracing the back routes off the Information Superhighway. Gotta tell you about them sometime, remind me.

    But for today, let's visit "Everything2," so-named as a sequel to the original "everything" online directory. It functions more like a multi-user Tumblr now than a true wiki, but it's interesting to unearth these treasures of stoner wisdom and lore from its abandoned depths.

    A Brief Scratch On Cannabis Botany

    From the E2 "cannabis" entry, second down.

    stoner etiquette

    Including this little gem of a list:

    If you're a heavy cannabis user, you probably already know most of these, but I find them valuable never the less. Enjoy!
    1. 1. Thou shalt not turn down a smoke. This is a definitive rule to live by. (Unless very good reason like driving, working, etc..)
      2. The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose pot it is) lights it up and gets the first hit, unless it is a big group and someone always gets left with the roach, next time give them the first toke.
      3. If someone rolls a nice joint, and if it is appropriate, give them a compliment.
      4. It is never cool to bogart the bowl, even if it IS your weed.
      5. If someone is too uncoordinated to light the bowl, they must relinquish the bowl to a more capable person.
      6. When it is your turn, take a hit and pass it on. Don't sit there and keep people waiting for a hit while you chat.
      7. If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let them eat some of the food you have lying around. Munchies happen, don't be cheap with your food.
      8. If someone does offer you food, don't pig out on it. They had to buy it and most people have better uses for their money. (Like buying more pot).
      9. If someone asks for a sip of your drink, you should give them one. (Cotton mouth is no fun).
      10. Converse of the above, if you ask for a sip, don't take a large gulp and leave them without.
      11. If smoking a joint don't duck-ass the J. (Don't put it in your mouth and get it all sopping wet.)
      12. If smoking from a bong and there's not enough in the bowl for another hit, you should save the smoke for the next person. Don't vent the carb and take it for yourself.
      13. NEVER, REPEAT NEVER bitch about someone's pot being no good. If you don't like it, don't smoke it!
      14. If a friend gets you high, return the favor. It's good karma.
      15. If you buy weed from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to smoke some with them, to show you are not the 'old bill' etc...
      16. If a person passes on one round, do not assume they are passing on the next.
      17. It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without, at least, notifying them of its status.
      18. The person who fills the bowl gets first hits. It doesn't matter whose bowl it is.
      19. Always thank a person who gets you high. ALWAYS!! It makes it all worthwhile for the person who got you like that.
      20. If you are smoking with two other people and are in the middle, you don't get a hit every time the joint passes you. Be fair.
      21. When using a bong, don't dribble down the tube.
      22. Again, when using the bong, don't blow out the ashes.
      23. Never go to someone's house expecting them to smoke you out.
      24. If you spill the bong, then you clean it up. (Don't forget to refill the water/ice).
      25. Do not be a bogart!
    Just for those who haven't encountered this term, to "bogart" is to hang onto a joint and keep talking with it in your mouth, instead of passing it during a communal smoke. It has spread out to include meaning "being greedy with the weed in any group session," such as stashing away some weed to smoke yourself later instead of sharing it, etc.

    Click image for larger version

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    So named because actor Humphrey Bogart often went on talking with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, the same way your buddy starts telling you his life history when you're waiting for him to pass the damn preroll back already.

    Rituals of marijuana


    Marijuana rituals that are common in my southern California community include:
    • Pass to the right in times of war; pass to the left in times of peace
    • Bongrips for breakfast; joints for lunch; bubblers for dinner.
    • Salads are are better than singles. Salads are bowls to which several people have contributed weed. Bonus points if the components of the salad taste/smell/look different from each other, or give differing highs. Singles are bowls that've been packed with a tiny amount of weed for the purpose of getting one person high. By encouraging fellow smokers to pack a salad bowl rather than take singles hits, one encourages a spirit of cameraderie.
    (n.b. non-smokers: A "bowl" of pot refers to the amount of pot that one finds oneself stuffing into the proper receptacle of one's smoking implement. The size of a bowl varies depending on the size of the receptacle.)
    A saved Usenet archive of Marijuana Myths

    ###

    Never light a bowl with a white lighter

    This ritual belief revolves around a practical tip for not getting busted: Stoners frequently use the end of the lighter to tamp down the bowl, or else they lay it across the bowl of a bubbler or bong or pipe to act as an air choke to slow down the burning when nobody is hitting it. Over time, the lighter develops charred burn marks, most evident on a white one. In most of the world where weed is still illegal and a cop pulls you over and sees that lighter, he knows exactly what to search the car for. Hence, white lighters = bad luck.

    That's one version, but it doesn't make as much sense since it shows up just as well on lighters of most colors. Maybe black ones won't show the marks as much.

    Finally...

    A Guide to Rolling a Phat Blunt!

    Y'all better know how now, no excuses!

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